The Xander Gander
by melodrome
Summary: Xander's thoughts on the things we know about, and some things we don't.
1. February 7th, 1997

**February 7th, 1997**

Normally, I wouldn't think or care to keep a journal, under any circumstances, but this is all getting just a little too weird. I think I need to write this down to remind myself how real it is.

A few days ago, this new really hot girl transfers. I make a fool of myself in front of her, surprise surprise, but here's the kicker: she ditched Cordelia Chase to come hang with Jesse, Willow and me. I really didn't get it. I was absolutely stunned. She dropped a sharp wooden object so I returned it to her, not really thinking a lot about it.

Then I hear her and the librarian talking emphatically about demons. They both seemed to completely believe what they were saying. I just stood there and listened. Again with the stunned. And again with the dismissing it wholly without question until I see her next running out of the Bronze looking for Willow.

Holy Mother of God.

Long story short, Willow and Jesse got kidnapped by vampires.  
Let's write that again in slow motion.  
V A M P I R E S.

They're real.  
Can you dig that?  
I can't. Jesus.

Buffy comes to the rescue and plunges that same sharp, wooden object she'd dropped earlier through some guy's chest.  
He explodes.  
He explodes.  
He explodes.  
I can write it a dozen more times and still not believe it.  
He explodes.  
What the hell? People don't explode!  
This guy did.

…Okay, enough with the mental argument. I'll just mosey on over to the point.

Next morning, no Jesse. Turns out he didn't get away. Buffy takes Will and I to the librarian. His name's Mr. Giles. He's all right. Stodgy, stuffy and all the rest, but he's… smart. Knowledgeable.  
Yep. That's right. I just used the word knowledgeable in a sentence.  
He explains that Buffy's a Vampire Slayer. They actually have people who kill vampires for a living, only with no pay and no vacations. Really shoddy, when you think about it. Destiny and all that. But she's extremely strong, so that's something, right?

Plan made. Buffy goes to try and rescue Jesse while Willow and I find out what this Harvest thing is that Buffy's mystery stalker mentioned. I tag along with Buffy because… well, it's Jesse. He's my best friend. Buffy gets a little testy, yadda yadda yadda.

We find him.  
He's a vampire now. Isn't that nice?

Buffy stops the Harvest, which turns out to be a whole deal involving an ancient vampire called The Master who's trapped underground. Cordelia almost gets eaten.  
On the flip side, I plunge a stake through Jesse's non-beating heart.

No more Jesse. He's gone.  
Dead.  
Exploded.

This is hard shit. But I'm not leaving Buffy's side. More than anything, Jesse's death has convinced me to help to kill every vampire on the face of the planet.

…  
Mwahahaha.  
Sorry. Couldn't resist the evil laughter.


	2. Febuary 20th, 1997

**February 20th, 1997**

So, in recognition of the fact that this journal or whatever is extremely lame, I'm going to give it an equally lame name.  
The Xander Gander.  
Yep. That's right. This here book is a goose.  
I came up with it in the middle of biology today and laughed aloud. I think the new teacher thought I was laughing at what he was saying. The class looked at me funny, and then we moved on.  
I think it's perfect.

Buffy recently tried out for cheerleading. Giles didn't take it very well. Rightfully so, as it turns out… some girl's hands caught on fire. My favourite part was when Cordelia went blind. Then Buffy was almost dead, so that was less good.  
She's not a cheerleader anymore. I applaud either decision.

A few days later, Dr. Gregory got killed and we had this gorgeous substitute. I mean… wow. I don't even want to try to describe her.

Mostly because she turned out to be a GIANT PRAYING MANTIS.  
Jesus. Start falling for a vampire Slayer, fall harder and faster for a big bug who wanted to mate with me (a plus) and then kill me (a drawback), and now back to falling for a vampire Slayer.  
The Xander Gander is amused, I can tell.

I finally met Buffy's favourite stalker in the whole wide world. _He gave her his jacket_. What the hell is that about? "Hello, Buffy. Maybe I'll follow you around creepily while being buff and give you things like stupid hints and jackets. Oh, and what's my name? It's Angel. My name is Angel. Yep, it's an actual name now. I made it so. I'm Angel. Now I'll just totally destroy your friend's chances with you and steal away into the night because I'm Angel and that's what I do."

Ugh. Angel isn't even a NAME.  



	3. March 3rd, 1997

**March 3rd, 1997**

Don't even get me STARTED on how incredibly stupid that Owen guy is. I mean, he only really liked Buffy for the danger. How shallow is that? He barely even noticed that she's also too gorgeous for words.

So, one day, the school goes on a field trip to the zoo. I go into a quarantined area to prevent Lance from becoming another victim of shameless bullying, get possessed by a hyena, hurt Willow on several levels, eat a live pig, nearly violate Buffy, try to eat Willow, get Willow and Giles nearly killed while they're trying to save me, and then pretend not to remember anything when I do end up getting saved.

So, that was my week. Buffy had a date with Owen, Mr. Excitement. She goes and lets Giles deal with a whole Appointed One or Adjointed One deal where there was some guy and he was going to go be the Master's minion for a while. Will and I went to find Buffy on her "date", and Stalker Angel was also there, enjoying the fun.

Buffy didn't look too thrilled. It was a good look on her, not wanting Angel around. I think she should feel that way about Angel often. Possibly even always.

Anyway, we called Buffy away. Owen nearly gets dead. Will and I walked him home after Buffy dealt with the… Annointed! The Annointed One. That's it. He's dust. Had a nice visit with the incinerator. Giles got a case of the sniffles after bunking in Dead Guy Freezer for a while. Who can blame him? Not me.  



	4. March 17th, 1997

**March 17th, 1997**

Angel is a VAMPIRE!  
HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! JUSTICE!  



	5. March 18th, 1997

**March 18th, 1997**

Ugh.  
Angel's a vampire with a soul.  
So he hasn't killed anyone in the past ninety years. Big deal.  
Buffy refuses to dust him. I offered to do it. She just glared. I saw a muscle move in her arm and got scared so I went away.

On the bright side, the Master's Main Minion (let's hear it for alliteration) Darla is toast. Angel did dust her, so I guess I can't totally hate the guy.

…Yes I can. Yes, I really, really can.

On the other bright side, Buffy won't date a vampire.  
The Xand Man still has a shot.  
Oh, yes.  
Except for the fact that Buffy claims she loves the blood-sucking fiend.  
But I still have a shot.  
Oh, yes.  



	6. April 2nd, 1997

**April 2nd, 1997**

Poor Will had her first hellmouthy dating experience. There was me with the praying mantis, there was Buffy with the loving a vampire, and there was Willow with falling for a homicidal demon-turned-robot because he seemed charming over the internet.

The three of us chatted. I think Will's okay now.  
With that situation, anyway.

My hyena-possessed friends ate the old principal weeks ago, so now we get a new one. Principal Snyder. Is it just me, or do I recognize him from a Star Trek episode or something?

He stuck Giles on Talentless Show duty.  
Oh, the poor, poor man.  
We went to go poke fun at his terrible doom, and Snyder put us IN the Talentless Show.  
He must be stopped. I wonder if Buffy will slay him for me.


	7. April 7th, 1997

**April 7th, 1997**

Well, that was…  
I don't even want to talk about what that was.  
I'll talk about demons instead.

There was a thing, and it killed Emily for her heart and Morgan for his brain, but the brain was cancerous so then Giles was almost de-brainified. Buffy, Will and I came to save the day. Buffy and I and this animate dummy killed the demon, Willow got Giles all free so we could kill the demon.  
Then the curtains opened.  
Snyder wasn't thrilled. Or maybe he was. All his facial expressions look the same to me.

I hate this school.

Okay. I avoided the subject. Now it's time that I talk about something scarier than the double-murder, scarier than the vampires or the demons or the Master.  
I'm talking about The Dramatic Scene.  
Ugh. I… ugh. No. It's too traumatizing. I can't talk about it anymore.  
It's over. That's all that matters.

…  
I just realized just now that I'm in love with Buffy.


	8. May 1st, 1997

**May 1st, 1997 **

I don't even understand how this became all supernatural-like. A boy got beat up by his little league coach and suddenly the entire town is living their nightmares.Is there a connection there to anyone else?

Giles got lost in the stacks, which was pretty funny. Then he couldn't read. Willow had to sing publicly, and then she was covered in tomatoes.

I lost my clothes in public and then was chased by a homicidal clown.  
Does anyone else feel like I got the worst deal here?

Well, except for Buffy, who got buried alive and then turned into a vampire. She wasn't evil or anything, just… a creature of the night.  
It was pretty hot. Willow wasn't pleased I thought so.

…Oh God.  
Extremely glad that Dead Stalker Boy wasn't around to see Buff as a good vampire.

What kind of a name is Angel, anyway?


	9. May 15th, 1997

**May 15th, 1997**

Some girl was really ignored so she turned invisible and went crazy.  
"Gee, Xander! How crazy was she?"  
She was SO CRAZY that she beat up Cordelia's boyfriend, pushed Harmony Kendall down the stairs, nearly killed a teacher because she was helping Cordelia with her final project, and then injected Buffy with some sort of knockey-outey drug and tied her to a chair.

Oh, she also nearly maimed Cordelia's face forever. But I'm looking at the big picture here. This girl was ca-raaaaaaazy.

Anyway, Cordy caught on that something extraordinary was going on and turned to Buffy because she thought Buffy was in a gang. Buffy, being entirely too generous if you ask me, helped Cordy through it. Turns out Invisigirl had a personal vendetta against Cordelia, which, as I mentioned at the time, doesn't seem all that out of line to me. I mean, if I turned invisible, I'd torment Cordelia too.

Though, maybe not to the kill-all-her-friends-and-maim-her-face extent.

Invisigirl locked Willow, Giles and me in the basement of the school and filled up the room with gas to kill us. That was not a pleasant experience. I was blacking out before Angel went and opened the door, all saving us and stupid stuff like that. He gave some book to Giles. I never did find out what that book was about.

According to Buffy, a couple of feds came and took her away. Invisigirl, not Cordelia. Though if the feds took Cordelia away, I imagine I'd throw a party, which would be a lovely excuse to ask Buffy to go with me.

Blaaaaaah. I'll ask Buffy out eventually. I just need to get a vampire to turn me, get a soul, and start dressing and acting like Angel first.  
Ha, ha. Just joking.  
…Or am I?


	10. June 2nd, 1997

**June 2nd, 1997**

Oh my God.  
What a week.

The week starts out with Giles finding a prophecy in the book Angel gave him involving Buffy and the Master and a fight to the death, only it was very specific about whose death it would be.

Cue: Minor earthquake.

I ask Buffy out, she shoots me down, I go home and listen to painful country music for hours. Good times. "I Fall to Pieces" especially nice for the occasion.

Giles gives Angel a call to confirm what he just read. Buffy overhears their conversation about her dying the next day, and freaks a little. Or, a lot. A bit with the throwing of the books and the quitting of the Slayage and the cross Angel gave her on the floor. A bit with the crying and screaming and yelling at Giles.

Willow and Cordelia find Cordy's boyfriend and three other guys extremely dead and lacking in blood in the school's Entertainment room. Willow freaks a little. Or, a lot. A bit with the emotional meltdown and hysteria on the news. A bit with the unable to focus on anything for a while. She's still out of it. Poor Will.

Buffy goes to see Willow, sees how upset she is, and makes an UNBELIEVABLY STUPID decision. She goes, clocks Giles before he can go in Buffy's place, and follows the Annointed One to the Master's underground church.  
Yeah. I thought the Annointed One was dead. But, apparently not. We acquainted the wrong vamp with the incinerator.

I find out and go find Angel. We… chat. Then we go to the Master's lair to find him gone and Buffy dead.  
Buffy dead.  
Buffy dead.  
Buffy DIED yesterday.  
There are just some things I can't get my head around.

But it was all okay because I gave her CPR and she livened up again. She kicked the Master's ass and now he's dust.  
But he left a skeleton. What the hell is that all about? Snyder saw it. I think he's forcing himself to forget it. We decide what to do with it soon. Buffy leaves to L. A. for the summer even sooner to stay with her dad.

I don't know what happened to the Annointed One, though. Buffy didn't say anything about staking him.  
…  
Uh oh.  



	11. June 9th, 1997

**June 9th, 1997**

Yep. Buried Masterbones. We consecrated the ground so… actually, I'm not really sure why. I guess in case he has some scary vampire re-formation powers and tries to get out, but meets Holy Dirt and decides it's just not worth the effort or pain.

Well, we excluding Buffy, anyway. She left early for L. A. The second exams were finished she was on the road. She's been uncharacteristically quiet since… well, since she died. Buffy and Willow have really been exciting to be around lately, what with the silence and the quiet reliving of a situation over and over. I'm running out of pointless things to talk about, and they're running out of willpower to nod.

Oh well. Willow's getting better. Slowly forgetting about it. She does talk about the Hellmouth in the library and how it opened. I wasn't there to witness that. Too busy SAVING BUFFY'S LIFE. I wasn't really told about the whole Hellmouth thing until Cordelia started gabbing about it non-stop a few days ago. Thanks for telling me, guys.

There's been nothing since the Hellmouth closed. No vampires, no robots or giant praying mantis…es.… Just good ol' fashioned quiet.

…  
It's really boring.


	12. September 4th, 1997

**September 4th, 1997**

It's been three months since we've seen anything at all. Will and I spent the summer going through graveyards just in case, but a supreme amount of nothing has come up. The Master seems comfy as ever, no sign of the Annointed One, and not a peep from that freakazoid Angel.

Until tonight.

Willow and I have been hanging out a lot this summer. I mean, we've always been close, but we never saw each other every day or anything, especially over the summer.  
Last night was no different from any other night; we went for ice cream and walked around near graveyards. Well, we'd kinda lost interest at that point… we figured the vampire population was pretty much at zero.

We almost kissed.  
Will and I, I mean.

I love Willow. I've known her all my life. I just don't feel that way about her. I don't know what came over me. I stopped myself from making that mistake, fortunately.  
Or maybe it was the guttural growling of the vampire standing over us that stopped me from making that mistake.  
Yeah, I was losing. We didn't even bother to bring a stake tonight.  
But that's okay, because then it was dust.  
Buffy kicked it into a tree.  
It was pretty intense.  
She's still… distant. We didn't talk a lot, but… there's still something wrong.  
School starts tomorrow.

I thought I was over Buffy. I'm not.  



	13. September 6th, 1997

**September 6th, 1997  
**

ZE MAHSTAH HAS ESCAAAAAAAAPED!

**LATER…**

Buffy got a little testy about that. She walked by his grave and, as she put it, "they had a vacancy". Then Cordy, Giles, Jenny Calendar and Willow got kidnapped by vampires while she went away to deal with a note that got thrown through a window without any help.  
I guess I got a little testy, too.  
Angel was there. I guess he's all right. Sometimes. He, Buffy and I went and saved the others from having their blood spilled on Masterbones. Angel nearly got staked a few times. Buffy smashed Masterbones to a fine powder with a sledgehammer. Finally, he looked like any other dead vampire.

Then she broke down and cried in ANGEL'S arms.  
Uuuugh.  
What kind of a name is… oh, nevermind.

**LATER…**

Hmmhaa.  
Did I forget to mention the part where I got a free lap dance from Buffy? Hell yeah!  
Even though she was just channeling her pain.  
I can pretend it was real!

Deep down, I know she loves me.  
…God, I hope Buffy never gets a hold of this book.


	14. September 19th, 1997

**September 19th, 1997**

So, ew. Some guy recreated his brother and then tried to cut off Cordelia's head to complete a girlfriend for him.  
I saved her.  
Oh, yes. I am good. I saved Buffy, and now I saved Cordelia. Not as big a feat by a long shot, but hey.  
I'm like a saving-people machine. I helped save Giles and Jenny and Willow and Cordy that time with the hanging upside-down to spill blood on Masterbones. That's six people I've saved now.

I think I'm finally easing away the guilt of that time I was a hyena.  
Ah, memories…


	15. September 20th, 1997

I also helped save Buffy when she was a loopy cheerleader. And, I sort of saved that moron who was about to be Praying Mantis Lady's next manwhore.

And I helped save Willow from Malcolm the Robot. Molork, or whatever his name was.  
And Giles when he was about to be de-brainified.  
And let's just mention again how Buffy owes me her LIFE.

Okay, done now, I swear.


	16. September 28th, 1997

**September 28th, 1997**

Buffy got in trouble with Snyder so she had to put together the Parent-Teacher meeting last night.  
Unfortunately, some vampire called Spike chose that particular time to come and try to kill Buffy.

So, all these parents and teachers are in the school, and Spike and some of his vampires come crashing through the front window. Jenny, Giles and I are trapped in the library and Giles sends me away to fetch Angel. The way I hear it, Buffy ushered most some parents into a science lab, crashed through the library roof to pay Giles a visit, and then battled Spike.

Joyce saved her. Buffy's mother saved the Slayer.  
I heard that and laughed. Apparently, Spike got hit by the blunt end of a fire ax. Then he ran away.

No sign of the Annointed One since he tried to bring the Master back. I wonder what happened to the little tyke?


	17. October 3rd, 1997

**October 3rd, 1997**

It's exchange week here at Sunnydale High! Someone from a foreign country near you… or, not near you, I guess… comes to stay with some people for two weeks!

Buffy was told she was having some GUY stay at her house. I wasn't pleased. I was surprised she stood for that kind of malarkey.

It all turned out fine because Ampada is a girl's name. She's a girl.  
A gorgeous, lovely, charming girl.  
I'm taking her to the dance in a few hours. I don't mean to sound all geeky, but I'm stoked.

Oh, too bad. Sounded geeky anyway.  
Willow seems distant. I wonder what's wrong?  



	18. October 4th, 1997

Ampada was a mummy.  
She was a mummy.  
A mummy.  
Mummy mummy mummy mummy.

I'm not talking, "Look mummy I can call you that because I'm your offspring and therefore have a right to call you mummy since that's what you are." I'm talking, "Look, I've been dead for hundreds and/or thousands of years and I'm crusty and all bandaged and I fall apart if I haven't killed anyone lately."

WHAT IS WITH MY TASTE IN WOMEN?

She tried to kill me. Twice. That's more times than Praying Mantis Lady tried to kill me.  
Oh well. At least I saved Willow and/or that guy I saw run down from upstairs as I was looking for Mummy Dearest. At least she'd have killed him before she killed me.

Excuse me. I have to go and mope now.  



	19. November 1st, 1997

Whoa. Weird couple of weeks.  
…Is there ever a time when a couple of weeks aren't weird in Sunnydale?

Buffy gets the brush-off from Angel so she decides to go to some fraternity party with Cordelia. They both get drugged and then almost eaten by a giant snake. Then Buffy, Willow and I and half of Sunnydale get turned into our Hallowe'en costumes.

Let's start from the beginning.  
Cordelia is… well, was… dating some rich senior from UC Sunnydale. His friend took a liking to Buffy. I tried to make her see that he was just no good, but she wouldn't listen. Instead she went to this frat party because Cordy asked her to.  
I decide to follow to make sure that they're okay. They have good food at frat parties.  
Bad people, though.

Suddenly I find myself in a skirt, oversized bra, lipstick and a wig, and I'm being prodded to dance. I don't really know what happened there. One minute I was talking, and the next minute I was being spanked with paddles from various people.  
It was NOT pleasant.

I don't see either Buffy or Cordelia. I got kicked out of the house (thank God) a few hours later and Cordy's car is still parked out front. I find a robe in the trash and decide to pose as one of the creepazoids to find out if they're still in there someplace.  
Giles, Willow and Angel are waiting outside. Angel vamps out, we have a nice little fight with the men associated to the men in the robes. I get my vengeance by beating up the guy who gave me such humiliation.

We pile down the stairs and find Buffy about to cut the giant snake in half. It was gross; his blood looked like oil. The frat guys got arrested. It was generally a good day.

Snyder signed Will, Buffy and I up to lead little kids around for Hallowe'en. Not even Giles thought anything was going to happen, but it did.  
Will was dressed like a ghost, but I guess Buffy tried to convince her to dress like… not a ghost, because she was one weird-looking Casper. I didn't really notice at the time because I was too busy being a commando and not knowing who Willow was.

Buffy dressed in a poofy Victorian dress. I saw her and was in awe. I may have actually dropped my jaw. Then I renounced spandex. It was a good time.  
But, of course, she turned into a 17th century gal. All quoffed and annoyingly stupid. Angel turned up at some point and pretty much hated her, too.  
HAHA, her plan backfired.  
No, no. If Buffy's happy, I am too.  
I guess.  
Angel's still a stupid name.

Anyway, I heard from Willow that Giles took care of it. That Ethan guy was apparently an old acquaintance of Giles and she got shooed away despite her ghostliness. Spike came out and took advantage of Buffy's lack of Slayerness, but then the spell got broken and Spike got another dose of Buffy Ass-Kicking. It was a good time. He ran away again. Great wuss.

On the handy side of things, I remember all my army training that I never actually had. Neat.


	20. November 9th, 1997

**November 9th, 1997**

Ugh.  
Some GUY called Ford transferred from Buffy's old school in L. A.  
He's good-looking. She gave him a niiiiiiiiice big hug when she saw him.  
I pointed out that Angel was Buffy's boyfriend. He was very astute. Noticed he was old and cold. Turns out he actually knew Buffy was a Slayer, too, so it's amazing he didn't make the connection.

They were having the best time! Catching up like old friends!  
Turns out he made a deal with Spike to have Buffy killed.  
Ha, ha.  
Angel got jealous. It was kind of funny.  
He went to Willow's ROOM at NIGHT to ask her to research Ford because he was suspicious. Am I the only one who sees the wrong here?

Apparently, Spike has a girlfriend. Some vampire called Drusilla. She was supposed to have been killed by a mob, which I personally think would have been a nice thing, since she's absolutely insane and all, but hey. Whatcha gonna do?

Ford's dead now. Spike killed him. Buffy dusted him. She's doing okay, I think.  



	21. November 18th, 1997

**November 18th, 1997**

Oh, boy.  
Giles' old friend Ethan stayed in town after the great Hallowe'en expedition.  
Why?  
Because some demon Giles and four friends created twenty years ago is killing all of its creators, and the only two left are Giles and Ethan.  
Apparently Giles was locked alone in his house drinking. Buffy and her concern pulled me out of remedial computer science with Cordelia, so I'm not complaining, but apparently it's a whole big thing.

Especially since Jenny Calendar accidentally got possessed by this demon.  
Oh, boy.

So she's walking around and she almost kills Giles, and then she almost kills Ethan so he puts the tattoo that's a homing beacon to the demon on Buffy's back to attract it to her. So Jenny comes to kill Buffy, but Willow comes up with a plan to get the demon out of Jenny.

Angel comes to the rescue AGAIN.  
How lame.  
He goes and throttles Jenny until the demon possesses him, then the demon and Angel's inner demon fight it out. It was a really weird thing to witness, actually.  
In the end, everyone's okay. Including Angel.  
Well, I guess the demon's not. But no one really cares about him.

I lost it with Cordelia today. She's unbearable. I was about to punch her in the face until Willow imitated Giles and yelled a bunch.  
She's scary.  
Like, scarier than Giles.


	22. December 4th, 1997

**December 4th, 1997  
**

It all started two nights ago when Buffy caught a couple of vampires stealing something from a tomb. Giles and Buffy explore the next day, and it turns out they stole an ancient cross from some famous guy. He named it after himself. The cross, that is. I mean, how lame is that? It decodes ancient books, and he names it The DuLac Cross. Doesn't that just seem dumb?

…Heh.  
Well, anyway, last night Buffy goes on a Skate Date with Angel (why would a vampire know how to skate, anyway?) and gets attacked by some freaky-ass guy with only one eye or something. She kills him, lickety-split. No problemos.

Angel tells her to hit the road. Giles tells her the same thing today. Apparently Spike ordered some… well, Order to come kill Buffy. They're the big guns. Like, bounty hunters. Buffy killed one; there are still two more. It made her a tad paranoid, apparently; she left the library in a hurry and now we can't find her. She's just nowhere. Not home, not… anywhere.

I'm worried. Giles is worried. Will's worried.  
I even called Angel. No answer.


	23. December 5th, 1997

**December 5th, 1997**

Ew.  
Ew.  
Ew.  
Weird day. Weeeeeeird day.

I give Cordelia a call to ask her to drive me to Buffy's so I can find any evidence about Buffy. We walk in, I check upstairs, she waits around downstairs and lets some guy in that seems to be selling makeup. Then he turns into a billion worms. We go and hide downstairs. We start arguing, inevitably…

…and then we're kissing.

Yuck. Let's move on to the part about the worms again.

So we decide we need to get the hell out of the basement. We run through the house and Cordelia has a lovely worm shower. I grab the hose and start pelting her with water to get the bugs off.  
She's pretty hot, actually. Why did I never notice this before?

We run to the library, where Buffy is thankfully safe and sound…

…accompanied by another Slayer.

Weird shit. Everybody's dumbfounded. Or, we were until Giles finally realized that it was because Buffy d… because of that thing that happened with the Master a while back.  
I saved her.  
I saved her.  
It's okay.

The new Slayer's name is Kendra. She's really shy. Kind of uptight.  
Good looking, though.  
Shut up, Xander.

So, the rest of the day involves Angel being missing, Kendra having locked him in a cage with sunlight exposure, Spike having taken him so he can cure Drusilla, Buffy getting shot at, Willow's new friend Oz getting shot, Buffy getting led into a trap involving Spike and the rest of the bounty hunters, including Homicidal Police Lady and Worm Guy, and Kendra helping Buffy to save Angel from getting killed through curing Drusilla.

Angel's going to be fine. Buffy killed Spike and Drusilla by collapsing an organ on them.  
Wow, am I glad to see them gone.

Weeeeeird day. I'm kind of overwhelmed. Too much to process. Must sleep now.  



	24. December 6th, 1997

**December 6th, 1997**

Kendra went home. Word is that the bounty hunters have been called off since Spike's all dead. Buffy's much less jumpy now.

Cordy and I had a little shouting match about our unfortunate occurrence in Buffy's basement. We were promptly liplocked again in an empty classroom. I think we grudgingly agreed to make a thing of it.

I still don't like her.

I think we both understand that we can't tell anyone. Not like she would, anyway. Not to her friends.  
…  
I hope she doesn't tell mine. We need to keep our reputation as hating each other.


	25. December 11th, 1997

**December 11th, 1997**

Buffy killed a man.  
A regular, ordinary man.  
She kicked him and he went down some stairs and then he was dead.  
I'm in shock. Giles is in shock. Joyce is in shock. Buffy's _really_ in shock.  
Ted was her mother's boyfriend. She didn't like him. So she accidentally killed him.

Now he'll never be able to give me that recipe for those mini-pizzas.

I'm convinced that Ted had a hidden agenda. I don't think Buffy would accidentally hurt anyone on purpose.  
Well, you know what I mean.  
According to the paper, Ted hit Buffy. She fought back. Can't blame her, really.  
Unless you're Joyce and/or the police.  
No charges yet, anyway.

She's so torn up. I feel so badly. I tried to cheer her up with a shower of compliments, but she's too bummed to notice.


	26. December 12th, 1997

**December 12th, 1997**

Willow found happy drugs in Ted's food.  
Buffy didn't eat any. That's why she was so suspicious of Ted when no one else was.  
Ew ew. Freaky thought.  
I think the final effects of those last cookies have worn off since I found Ted's first four wives all dead in Ted's closet.

So apparently Ted the Freakish Salesman was dying one day, so he turned himself into a robot and kept his wife hostage in his Underground Love Shack until she died. Then he recreated her by choosing women of her size and personality, and then keeping them in the Bunker o' Love.  
Joyce was one of these women.

Ted came back from the dead last night. Throttled Buffy, tried to kidnap Joyce, but Buffy hit him over the head a few times with his own cast-iron skillet.  
That'll show him to poison people.  
Ugh.  
Creepy.  
Five billion cheers for Buffy. Turns out she was right all along.  
I knew it.  
I knew iiiiit!  
No one else did.  
Ha, ha.

Stupid Ted.  



	27. January 9th, 1998

**January 9th, 1998**

Christmas was Le Suck as usual. Family arguments, booze, me hiding outside.  
Then there was New Years. Family arguments, booze, me hiding outside.

If I didn't know any better, I'd start to think my family consisted of demons.  
…  
Maybe I'll ask Buffy to check them out just to make sure.

Anyway, school started out again with a grand adventure. Our Sex Ed class got eggs to take care of for a while. Like kids.  
I boiled mine.  
Willow was appalled. Buffy was too lethargic to care at that point. Turns out I did a good thing, since the eggs housed little freaky creatures that made everyone be under really violent commands from some purple gooshy demon under the school. Cordelia hit me over the head; Willow hit Buffy. We both ended up unconscious in a utility closet and about to add to the number of Demonbitches.

Giles was affected. Joyce was affected. It was all very strange.  
There were also two vampires around. I think Buffy said one of them got eaten by the great gooshy demon. The other one ran when he saw oily Buffy emerge from the depths.

Ah, Sunnydale. Always full of fun surprises.  



	28. January 19th, 1998

**January 19th, 1998**

Buffy's birthday was today. We planned a surprise party for her. She arrived to the party by crashing through a picture window while beating up a vampire with a box.

The box contained an arm.

Yep, just an arm. Buffy opened the box and the arm started to strangle her. Angel wrenched it away, and then it was fine. Angel decided he had to leave town for a few months, all was peachy.  
Well, not for Buffy, I guess.

Buffy went to see him off, but before he boarded the ship with the arm, they got ambushed by the arm-stealing vamps. So then Buffy came back to help with the research and fell asleep. She hadn't been sleeping well. Angel was all concerned.  
So was I. But did Buffy notice? Nooo.

So we figured out that the arm belonged to some guy called The Judge who can suck humanity out of people just by looking at them. We also figured out that the vamps who stole the arm back are Spike's guys. We suspect that Drusilla's alive at the very least, possibly Spike, too.

This sucks. Scary insane vampire and scary hair-color vampire are building a scary demon that kills anyone with humanity. I recommended that we just send Cordy and everything will work out okay. I don't think anyone got it.

Buffy and Angel went to go investigate the old factory where we think they live to see what's going on. I just called the library and they're still not back. It's been a few hours.  
I'm getting worried again. I mean, if they found this Judge guy, what if they're lacking in humanity right now? We don't know.

New member of the Scooby Gang. It's Willow's friend Oz. He saw Buffy stake that vamp in the Bronze and took it well. He seems all right. Quiet. But I'm pretending not to like him for Willow. I know she's into me, and I can understand that. I mean, I'm a very lovable guy. I guess I'm just humoring her. Which, granted, could end up badly. I guess I'm feeling guilty for a) not telling my best friend about my being with Cordelia, and b) being with Cordelia in the first place.

I guess I'll sleep for a couple of hours and then head back to the library. No Judgebits at bus station. Hopefully we'll get at least one part in time. Then there's still that wonderful, wonderful chance that Angel will leave town for a few months.  



	29. January 20th, 1998

**January 20th, 1998**

Jesus bananas. I get into the library this morning and Buffy still isn't back. I go to rescue her and everyone except Willow argues with me. Including Giles.  
Does no one like Buffy? I thought we were all agreed on the matter that Buffy is a good person to have around. Apparently not.  
So right about then Buffy walks through the door, perfectly humanitized. She'd been "hiding in the sewers" last night and is currently looking for Angel because "she hasn't seen him" since they "split up in the sewers" to "hide from the Judge".

I tell her that Willow and I were about to go save her. She brushes it off. Apparently she doesn't care that Giles wouldn't come to her aid if she was in mortal danger.

So, not only are both Spike and Drusilla alive, but the judge is all assembled now. Apparently he looks like a great big smurf. Now that is something I would personally like to see. Well, just as long as I wasn't on the receiving end of a de-humanitizing glance. Though I do get those often from Cordelia, and I manage.

Oh, God. Willow. She caught Cordelia and I making out in the stacks. She got all upset and ran away. I haven't seen her since. I just hope she's… well, she'll be all right. Eventually. Hopefully.

**LATER…**

So it turns out my skepticism of Buffy's whereabouts last night were well deserved.  
She was out having a night of pelvic fun at Angel's house.  
Now he doesn't have a soul anymore.

Why did no one listen to me when I said that relationship was doomed?

I feel like I should be happy. I mean, this is the moment I've been waiting for, right? Buffy can't be with Angel anymore. I should be rejoicing or doing the snoopy dance or something. Xander Harris Gets Another Chance. Front page, headline news.

She was so upset about it. The only thing I feel is pity for Buffy and hatred for Angel.  
Or, Angelus. Apparently he's Angelus now. I wondered why Spike called him that the one time when Angel tried to use me as bait.  
Angelus is actually a pretty stellar name. Now, if he had a name like _that_ when he was good, I could understand Buffy's overwhelming desire to be a part of his life. "My boyfriend's name is Angelus" sounds one hell of a lot cooler than "My boyfriend's name is Angel".  
Shut up, Xander.  
Okay.

So Angelus comes to school, tries to kill Willow. Jenny and I end up saving her. Buffy comes and goes and cries and Giles doesn't get it.  
I construct a plan to kill the Judge involving my new-found army training. I grab Cordelia and try to break into the army base. Some guy interrupts us by asking us who we are and what we're doing.  
I totally impressed Cordelia when I told him off.  
Oh, yes.

So we grab a rocket launcher and give it to Buffy for her birthday. She goes and explodes the Judge, leaves us to clean him up for her, and she goes to kill Angel.  
She can't do it.  
I'm not sure I can blame her.  
But I'll pretend like I blame her just to maintain my petty façade. It'll make Cordy happier.

I kept the rocket launcher.  
Well, no, okay, I'll return it to the army base tomorrow.  
Or maybe the next day. I might be busy tomorrow.  
Maybe I'll just wait for the weekend.


	30. January 26th, 1998

**January 26th, 1998**

Gaaaack.  
Cordy and I were in her car a couple of nights ago making out and a werewolf attacked us.  
Yeah. Apparently they exist, too.

Buffy and Giles go out on the hunt and meet this hardcore werewolf hunter guy called Cain. He likes to kill werewolves and sell their pelts in Sri Lanka or something. Silver bullet and all that.  
Buffy almost had him. The werewolf, not Cain. He ran away instead. Not before mauling a few people.

I thought the werewolf was Larry.  
It's… really not.

Theresa turned out to have been bitten by a vampire. We thought it was a werewolf attack. We went to go make sure and she awoke very undead and attacked Buffy.  
She was killed by Angel.  
I staked the vamp because Buffy was immobilized after hearing that. She was… not good. I got a hug from her, though.  
It's sad that I think of that as a main event.  
I feel so cheap being with Cordelia when I still love Buffy.  
Maybe cheap isn't the word. False? Bah. Whatever. Not like it'll change anything.  
I liiiiike Cordelia, I guess. But… she's not Buffy.

I was spending all this time worrying about Willow with her interest in Oz. But it turns out that I was RIGHT AGAIN.  
Oz is the werewolf.

That just made her like him more. It's the danger, I bet. She likes her men dangerous. I'm dangerous.


	31. February 16th, 1998

**February 16th, 1998**

So, I'm at the Bronze and about to give a Valentine's Day gift to Cordelia and she breaks up with me.  
Right then and there.  
I'm not sure she gave a reason. She may have been mocking the speech I gave before I gave her the gift.  
Then I told her that her dramatic irony level was way up.

Amy's a witch. You know, Amy… her mom was psycho and caused cheerleaders pain via witchcraft. Amy's embracing such arts now. Faking homework.

So I kind of asked her to cast a love spell on Cordy.  
It backfired. Giles got mad.  
Well, it didn't really backfire at first. I mean, it wasn't right, but no big deal…  
Buffy was all over me. There was talk of a lap dance.

But then everyone else liked me. Amy, Willow, Ms. Calendar… Buffy's mom. It was scary. Every woman in Sunnydale was quite literally obsessed with little old me. Then there was a mob thing, and Willow and selected others tried to kill me. Drusilla was the only one who wanted to kill me out of love. I would probably have been flattered if it wasn't so freaking freaky.

Cordy seemed pleased that the spell was meant for her, but she hasn't said anything else about our relationship. I think maybe that's it for us.

Buffy got a little intense. After I pushed her away the first time she approached me wearing absolutely nothing but a ridiculously revealing raincoat. I said some things about how she didn't really mean it and how much it would mean to me if she did, but she didn't take it well. Mostly, Amy just turned her into a rat.  
Oz found Buffy after punching me in the face. She was… not a rat anymore. She was also naked.

And on that happy note, I'll end this particular rant.  



	32. February 17th, 1998

**February 17th, 1998**

Cordelia chose me over her stupid friends.  
…  
LALALA. I win.

Willow's angry with me. Buffy tried to explain why. I pretended to get it.


	33. February 28th, 1998

**February 28th, 1998**

Angel killed Jenny Calendar.  
Giles tried to kill him. Lit the factory on fire. Buffy had to save him. Giles, not Angel.  
Willow's taking over her classes for a while. Jenny's, not Buffy's.

Buffy says she's ready to kill Angel now.  
God, I hope she is.


	34. March 14th, 1998

**March 14th, 1998**

One day, Crazy Buffy got the flu. Will, Cordy and I went out on patrol for her. Then Buffy was there and she brandished a stake at me and it was scary.  
Then Angel came. They fought. We sent him away, and then she was unconscious.

We took her to the hospital. It was touch-and-go for a while. They said something about pupils being uneven and unresponsive. I don't really know doctor talk, but I've seen enough medical soap operas on TV to know that that's not good.  
Then they said she was going to be fine. Heavy sigh of relief from everyone.

That night Angel dropped by with roses. I stood up to him and he informed me that I was still in love with her, which I didn't really need his reminding me to know that, thank you very much.  
He left. Didn't come back. I'm good.

Next day Buffy tells us she saw a man with a hat, and then there was a dead kid. We thought it was an evil doctor, but then he got killed by the monster. Buffy sent Cordy and I to the records room. A security guard interrupted our fun crime session.  
Cordelia is such a… nevermind.  
Let's just say she flirted with him more than was necessary to distract him.  
"You have the most perfect nose. You must work out."  
Honestly.

So eventually she figured out that the monster was only visible to kids with the flu. Buffy reinfected herself, which I didn't actually think was possible. I thought that once you had a specific disease, you couldn't get it again. Like chicken pox. I don't really want to go through that hell again, thank you very much. There was just too much itchy.

Anyway, she stumbled into my scope of the hospital when I was keeping an eye out for Angel and/or this demon. I helped her into the basement, where she claimed it went. I rescued some kids while she kicked at nothing and then snapped nothing's neck. It was a very weird phenomenon to watch.

Apparently the demon was Der Kind… Der… Kinder… something German. It means child death.

She's out of hospital now.  
I'm so, so glad she's all right.

Giles isn't. He's still so out of it. He's barely even Giles anymore. He just stands there and nods and doesn't pay attention. He's hardly even making snide comments about my snide comments anymore.  
I don't blame him. I'm just worried.  



	35. April 6th, 1998

**April 6th, 1998**

So Buffy's zoning out in history class, and then she's suddenly in 1955. Kind of ironic, if you ask me. Gives me a good reason to skip history tomorrow.

So she witnesses this scene between some jock and a teacher and they're touching hands and speaking softly. Buffy blinks and she's back in 1998. Her teacher calls the class a bitch and tells them not to walk away by accidentally writing it on the board. He seemed totally unaware that he'd written such harsh words, according to Buff.

She tells me all this on the way to my locker where I get ATTACKED BY A SCALY GREEN HAND.  
It beat me up and ripped my shirt!  
Buffy went to go tell it who the big muscle of Sunnydale High was, but it was gone.  
Willow thought it was all very funny. Especially when we determined that there was a ghost situation in the school. She was shortly talking about exorcism.  
Wait, I'm not there yet.  
Okay.

So the night before, Buffy had been checking in with Giles before turning in for the night when she caught a kid about to shoot his girlfriend. Buffy beat him up about it, the gun disappeared, and both the guy and his girlfriend denied having an argument. Apparently they were having a grand old time, and then he was yelling at her and she was yelling back and neither of them knew why and then he had a gun.

The same thing happened a night later with the janitor and a teacher, only this time it went further. The janitor's statement states that he was bidding her goodnight, though they'd barely met, and then they were spontaneously having a lover's quarrel. He then apparently conjured a gun and shot her. Still against his will, he ran away from the scene. Giles stepped out of the shadows and tackled him.  
The gun disappeared.  
The teacher died. I didn't know her.  
I hate our school.

So then Giles is under the serious impression that the ghost is Ms. Calendar and she's acting out against her violent death in the school.  
Poor guy. He just wouldn't budge on the issue.  
So Willow made a plan. She decided that she, Buffy, Cordy and I would go and say words at midnight, and then the ghost would go away. Exorcism.  
Cordelia made an excellent point about how absolutely everyone in that movie died.

It didn't work. Mostly, there were wasps that ran us out of the school. No one died, though, so I'm calling it a plus experience. For a while there, we thought school was going to be out forever.  
Besides, now I know how to conjure wasps.

We determined who the ghosts were and Buffy had a wigfest about how one of them wanted forgiveness. She was applying herself to the whole situation. I don't know why. She's just a goof that way.  
Then the evil school full of wasps summoned her back. They let her through, but when the rest of us tried to follow, we found ourselves about to be stung.  
Stupid Slayer access.

Angel found his way into the school. He played the female part, which I personally think is hilarious. Buffy shot him, but being a vampire and all, he survived, and saved Buffy before she could shoot herself in the band room.  
Then they KISSED.  
Why does everything always end in kissing with those two? Even when he's evil.

Anyway, I'm calling the whole thing all right. Giles is being Giles again, Angel saved Buffy when all this time he's been trying to kill her, and the school is wasp-, snake- and poltergeist-free.  
Well, I ruined a shirt.  
But other than that, things worked out.  
Oh, except that Buffy's reliving the whole "I put out and now my boyfriend growls at me" thing.  
I'm getting tired of the whole routine. I thought we agreed when Jenny died that she was going to kill him, not kiss him and then cry about him.  
Again.  
More.  
Even if she was possessed.

Me? Bitter?! Never!


	36. May 3rd, 1998

**May 3rd, 1998**

Who joined the swim team?  
I did!  
It's a funny story, actually.

So two people on the swim team got eaten by a great green monster, right? So I decide to join to take their place. Buffy soon finds out that the people on the swim team weren't being eaten; they were turning into the great green monsters.  
Know why?  
Because they put fish DNA in the steam of the steam room.  
And no one told me about it.  
At all.

So I went in the steam room three times without knowing about it.  
Plasma transfusions for Xander!

On the other hand, I strongly impressed Cordelia. Even when I overheard her conversation with a fish that she thought was me, she still said we'd date.  
I'm pretty sure she was lying, but it was still nice.  
Then we both ran in fear.  
She wants me to join football next year.

…  
HAHAHAHA.  



	37. June 9th, 1998

**June 9th, 1998**

So one day Buffy's fighting some of Angel's minions and she's telling them to tell him that she's tired of waiting and that she's taking the fight to him.  
Later that very same day, she and Willow find a spell that Ms. Calendar recreated before she died to restore Angel's soul. Buffy decides that this might be a fun possibility.

Xander gets a little bit testy.  
Everybody has a great big argument about it. Nothing comes of it, except that everyone except Cordelia seems to be angry with me.

In the middle of an exam, a vampire walks in with an extra-flamey message for Buffy that more would die if she didn't face Angel that night. So since Kendra mysteriously showed up, Buffy has Kendra keep an eye on the Let's-Give-Angel-a-Soul proceedings while Buffy herself fights Angel and tries to prevent him from destroying the world.

Oh, did I not mention that fun part yet?

Construction crews dug up an old tomb thing. Giles says there's some stone demon named Acathla in it. It was recently stolen from the museum where it was staying, and we suspect quite strongly that Angel stole it for his own fun purposes.  
Acathla is supposed to suck the world into hell when awakened by someone worthy. Giles says that according to prophecies or legends or something, Angel is the worthy guy. He puts his own blood on his hands, and he can pull the sword out of Acathla, thus ending the world.

See? Fun.

So while Buffy's fighting Angel, our little Soul Party gets interrupted by Drusilla and her fun friends who break my arm, kill Kendra, and give Willow head trauma to the point where we don't know if she's going to be all right.

I'm still at the hospital. I figure Buffy will show up eventually when she realizes it was a trap.

Giles and Cordy got away, thank God.  
Willow's too pale.  
I can't lose her.


	38. June 10th, 1998

**June 10th, 1998**

Willow recovered. She wanted to try to cast the spell on Angel again. She's peachy. Out of hospital already. I'm so happy.

Giles hadn't gotten away. The whole attack was solely for the purpose of kidnapping Giles because he knew the secret to Acathla. I went with Buffy to kick Angel's ass while Willow tried the spell again. I got Giles out, and apparently Buffy made a plan with Spike of all people, and now Spike and Dru have left town.

We hadn't heard from Buffy all day. She didn't show up for several finals and no one knew why.  
I stopped by her house about an hour ago.  
Her mom was a mess. Buffy's gone. She left a note explaining how she got expelled, packed a bag and simply left. We assume on a bus, but we don't really know anything.

Maybe it's temporary. Maybe she'll be back in a week.  
She said she dealt with Angel in the note. She didn't specify how. Giles wanted to go see how dormant Acathla was, but I decided against it for him. Cordy and I are going with him tomorrow, and there's talk of Willow and Oz coming too. It depends on if Willow's up to walking yet.

Poor Buffy.  
I hope she'll be back soon. 


	39. July 10th, 1998

**July 10th, 1998**

It's been a full month, and there's still absolutely no sign of life from Buffy. No word, no cameo appearances… she's not even around to fight evil anymore.  
So that job is left to us ickle civilians. Willow, Oz and I go out patrolling nightly. Cordy left to some resort a couple of weeks ago and won't be back until September.  
Giles comes with us sometimes, but mostly he's too busy following leads on Buffy's whereabouts.

The man is possessed. He even checks the internet for sightings of a blonde girl beating up on people, which for Giles is a huge step. Then he spends way too much money on plane tickets to check out the situations. Then he comes back and she's not there and he's so disappointed and he's a wreck for a day, but then he's back to checking out every possibility of where Buffy could be. It's tearing the man apart.

Joyce is still trying to sift through the proverbial baggage Buffy left her. She doesn't quite get what being a Slayer is all about. Giles tried to explain it to her, but she got a little testy with him because he knew about it all this time and was actually the one putting her in all sorts of danger. I think she secretly blames him for her leaving, but doesn't say anything about it.  
Will and I have taken on the daunting task of explaining to Joyce what we know and what we've done. She's taking it in stride better with us because we're just trying to help Buffy out. She feels better knowing that her kid's not the only one putting herself in danger… we're all that stupid!

No demons of yet; just the normal vamps. We're still pretty much terrible at staking them, but I think we got two last night, which is about two better than usual.


	40. September 26th, 1998

**September 26th, 1998**

Buffy's home.  
She just came back. She wouldn't tell us why. Or maybe we didn't ask.  
Giles is really in shock. He's so happy. I haven't seen him so peppy since Jenny was alive.

She showed up while Will, Cordy, Oz and I were patrolling. She was just… there. I nearly kissed her right then and there. Fortunately a vampire showed up, and my relationship with Cordelia still stands.

We threw a big old hootenanny for her, which was apparently a mistake because she felt lonely and started to leave again before Willow and Joyce interrupted. There was a big intervention with all of us against Buffy, but the zombies interrupted and we're all okay now.

I'm so, so indescribably glad she's back. 


	41. October 8th, 1998

**October 8th, 1998**

New Slayer in town (!!!!)  
Her name's Faith.  
She's hott. With two t's.

Sorry. She's brought out a very honest quality in me. She's a very upfront person. I don't think Buffy likes her very much; maybe because Faith's invading her school and her home and her Watcher and her friends and Scott Hope, her not-boyfriend, as she so accurately describes him.  
They went out on a date.  
Scott and Buffy did.  
Buster Keaton film festival.  
What the hell is that all about?

Ah, well. I'm fine. Cordy and I are fine, despite our shaky start when she got back from Cabana-wherever. She asked me what it was I liked about Slayers, and threatened to dress like one.  
I asked her to actually do it.  
She rolled her eyes and didn't answer.  
I'm taking that as a positive sign.

So then apparently Faith has this big ol' cloven demon that Buffy thought was called Kissing Toast after her. Buffy then renamed it Taquitos, as I hear it, followed closely by Khaki Pants. Through all that, I can't remember what his real name is. K… Kaquitos? Ka… Kakistos!! Ahahaha, I win.  
So, Ka-whatever comes to Faith's door when Buffy's there, and the pair of them run away. Now he's dust. I hear it was a good time in the sense that Faith screamed a bunch.

Poor girl.  
Buffy and Faith are friends now. I don't know when that happened.  
Not complaining, though. 


	42. October 20th, 1998

**October 20th, 1998**

Three things:

1. Bunch of murders. I rest my eyes on Oz-watch and the window's opened, so I get blamed because we thought Oz was mauling people.

2. Turns out it was this couple that Oz and Scott are friends with. Well, just the guy. Had a Jeckyl-Hyde thing going on. Killed people. Not happy. Buffy shortly found the couple dead in the abandoned supply room. Rumour is that he offed her and then offed himself, but Buffy's not saying anything about it. Which leads me to…

3. Buffy's acting seriously weird. Really tired, not saying anything, not eating, just staring into space. Scott's busy mourning over his friends to notice. If it was me she was dating, I'd be helping her in an instant. (Xander says as he realized that he left her alone this afternoon to her moping because he wanted a snack and forgot to come back for her.)

That's all, folks.


	43. November 3rd, 1998

**November 3rd, 1998**

What a crazy week.  
My lovely Cordelia was running for homecoming queen, and she probably should have won except Buffy got really mad because Buffy missed out on picture day and Cordy was supposed to tell her about it, so then Buffy decided to run, too.  
ThenWillowandIkissedabunch and then helped Cordelia on her campaign out of guilt, and then stuck them both in a limousine where some vampire thought Cordy was a Slayer, too, and tried to kill them both in a thing called Slayerfest '98. Eventually they made it out of the woods okay and neither of them won homecoming queen.

I can't help but think that if Buffy hadn't decided to take her anger out on Cordelia, that Cordy might have won the title.

Ah, well. It was all made up for a few days later when the entire Sunnydale population went crazy and started acting like really, really immature teenagers. I didn't witness a lot of it (aside from my parents; there wasn't really much change in either of them, actually. They were both still drunk, and they were still screaming at each other. The only difference was the topic of the argument; instead of "why is your son such a failure?" it was "where the hell did you put my stash?" Not something I really want to remember, so change of topic) but apparently Snyder, Joyce and Giles were all pretty out there.

The stories about Snyder are my personal favourites. I'll treasure them always.

Anyway, Ethan Rayne was behind it, surprise surprise. Buffy beat him up and cuffed him to something, but he somehow got away. Then there was a big tribute thing involving the consumption of four newborn babies. Buffy saved the babies and made the demon who was going to eat them sweat. Good times.

…Or so I hear.  
I am always out of the loop on the funniest things.

…  
Willow and I are still accidentally carrying on our affair. I say accidentally because I swear it doesn't mean to happen. She's there and I'm there and then we're both there. It's wonderful.  
TERRIBLE! I MEANT TO WRITE TERRIBLE!  
Craaaap. 


	44. November 16th, 1998

**November 16th, 1998**

Here's a lovely tidbit.  
Angel is:  
-alive  
-in Sunnydale  
-kissing Buffy often despite her constant "we're just friends" harping.

Angel was:  
-in control of a big evil glove thing.  
-in hell, last I checked  
-sneaking around Sunnydale for apparently months. Or, one month. I don't know. I'd rather not know.

We did a big intervention thing with Buffy. Long story short and short way away from having been pummeled, it didn't help. She's completely convinced that he's different. Giles is pretty pissed, and rightfully so. I gotta say that I am, too. Faith and I were going to go dust his sorry ass, and Faith came mercifully close to doing it, too, the way I hear it.

Then we found Giles with lots of fun head trauma. So she went ahead and I made sure he didn't die.  
I'm starting to wonder a little about Faith. I get that she was angry, but… dead Angel, not dead Giles. Abandoning the option to save a life by going to end one. Or, an un-one.  
But she's all right. Kudos for determination.

Turns out Angel didn't hit him over the head. Faith's new Watcher did. Apparently she'd been after the glove the entire time, found out where it was, hit Giles, beat Angel up and convinced Faith to finish the job, and grabbed the glove for herself while Buffy and Faith battled to the death.

Then Buffy cut off the Watcher's arm. She exploded and we burned the glove. No big.  
Again with the pretending to be all right with Angel. He saved Willow, so I'd rather have him and Willow alive than the both of them dead.


	45. November 26th, 1998

**November 26th, 1998**

Spike came. Beat me up. Was going to kill me and Willow. Willow kissed me. Oz and Cordy walked in to save us. Cordy ran away. Got impaled. We thought she was dead.

She's going to be fine.  
She hates me.  
I don't blame her.  
Oz and Willow are done, too.  
Willow's a mess. I'm in distress.  
Great. Now I'm a poet. Maybe I'll write my very own music of pain.

Spike left. Hurrah.  
Angel didn't. Boo. 


	46. December 25th, 1998

**December 25th, 1998**

Merry Christmas, Xanderland, and a Happy Hannuka or Channukka or whatever to Willoworld. Except I think that was last week. Well, happy days to everyone, anyway.

So, eventful thing last night. Snowed. In Sunnydale. Like a foot on the ground. I was doing my usual camp-out on the lawn and I woke up to a wet tickle. I thought I was just having another Buffy-oriented dream before I looked up and realized that the stuff falling from the sky was neither Buffy's tongue nor someone's swell damp dandruff collection.

I'm a happy Xander. Life without Cordelia is going well. I can openly lust after Buffy again without "Xander, you're being repulsive" or what have you every three seconds. Willow and Oz got back together last night, I hear.

Also, Angel was being haunted by evil things and almost killed himself before Buffy and the snow convinced him otherwise. But I'm focusing on the main elements here.

Got lots of neat things for Christmas. Well, actually, just money. Lots and lots of money. There may have been a gift certificate for 50 off a perm in the mix somewhere, but I don't think I'll take advantage of that particular offer, generous as it may be. I've decided to stash my money away and get the hell out of here once I graduate. Road trip! Hell yes. All around America. I'll drive to all fifty states. Just me and my uncle Rory's car. Good times ahead.

Hopefully I won't be convinced to kill myself by the "First Evil" before then. 


	47. January 14th, 1999

**January 14th, 1999**

This week, two little kids that were actually one big demon got killed and Joyce went crazy and Willow and Buffy almost got burned at the stake but Oz and I went to save them.

Just because Cordelia and Giles got there first, doesn't make Oz or I any less of the hero variety.

Life is good. I keep trying to convince Oz that whatever it was between Willow and I is over, but I'm not sure he believes me… possibly because it sounds really forced. "Hi Oz, good burrito. Willow wasn't with me today."

Yep. Xander, the Prince of Suave.  
…I don't know what Suave means.

Also, Amy got turned into a rat.  
I find it endlessly interesting that almost every supernatural occurrence I've ever had with Amy involves her turning someone into a rat. Well, two out of three.  
Willow's trying to turn her back. Apparently to no avail, because I caught her buying a cage and wheel in the pet store.


	48. January 20th, 1999

**January 20th, 1999**

**Buffy's birthday:** _n_. A time of gut-wrenching misery and horror, usually involving the betrayal of a person or persons dear to her. _Sources:_ Buffy Summers.

Poor Buff. Last year it was Angel going evil, this year it was Giles.  
Not literally. Giles is still soulful and happy.  
Actually, not happy so much. I'll get to that.

Buffy's birthday was approaching. The big One-Eight. I wanted to throw her a party, but she decided against it because of her birthday track record. Instead she said she was going to the ice show with her dad.

Of course, he didn't show up. Asshole. I feel like hunting him down in L. A. or wherever he really is and showing him that he can't blow Buffy off without some consequences.

So all this time Buffy's trying to convince Giles, whom she's come to love as a father, to go with her when he's actually stabbing her in the back, too… injecting her with all kinds of fun chemicals that make her not a Slayer anymore. So Buffy has…  
-No powers  
-No dad  
-No party

What a way to spend a birthday.  
BUT WAIT! IT GETS BETTER!

Buffy's mom is kidnapped by a big insane vampire and Buffy goes to save her, but she still has no powers. Eventually she succeeds in dusting him by getting him to drink holy water.  
Turns out the whole thing is part of a scam put together by some guy named Quentin Travers, head of the Watcher's council. It was a test. For Buffy.  
And Giles. Giles eventually gave in when the vampire escaped and told Buffy all about it, which means he didn't pass the test.

Giles is no longer a Watcher.  
We're expecting a new one from England any day now.  
Pooooor Buff.


	49. February 26th, 1999: The Zeppo

**February 26th, 1999**

…  
Uh… freaky night. 


	50. March 16th, 1999

**March 16th, 1999**

Faith killed a man, and then tried to kill me.

Okay, that's like reading the ending before the rest of the book. I'll try again.

New Watcher comes. His name's Wesley.  
He's a barrel of fun.  
Not really. Buffy, Giles and Faith all hate him. He's like an order of Giles, only with extra stuffing.

…  
Forget I said that.

Anyway, there's a new breed of vampire in town that Wesley claims is nearly extinct, but he sends Buffy and Faith to find an amulet anyway. They both get ambushed and Buffy's suddenly very different. She walked out in the middle of a test and I heard a bunch of locker-room talk about how she was dancing crazy at the Bronze before she hopped away right into Angel's arms.

Buffy and Faith later go out patrolling.  
Cue: Deputy Mayor Allan Finch.  
Faith stakes him thinking he's a vamp, and then throws him in the river after he dies.

They found wooden splinters in the wound and both Buffy and Faith are endlessly interrogated by the cops. Faith eventually goes to Giles and says that Buffy did it at the same time that Buffy goes to Willow saying Faith did it.

Giles knows it was Faith. Wesley overhears and brings the Watcher's council in at the same time that I go and have a talk with Faith because of… what we did.  
Everyone knows now. Willow's… distant.

Faith wouldn't have a word of it. She throws me on the bed and I thought she was going to try and sex me up again, but she only wants to strangle me.

Angel saved me.  
I hate it. Now I have to not-stake him.

Anyway, Faith's in Angel's place when the council comes, beats up Angel and steals Faith away to England. She escapes (no surprise there) and she and Buffy have a heart-to-heart on the docks of Sunnydale when a vampire brigade comes in to kill the both of them.

Long story short, they're both fine. Buffy and Faith, I mean. Faith came back to town with Buffy and everyone's going to give Faith a good talking-to. In America. She's not going anywhere.

I'm tired. Being throttled makes for a weird day.


	51. March 28th, 1999

**March 28th, 1999**

Gaaaah.  
Willow  
and Willow  
and two Willows  
and one was a vampire  
and we thought Willow was dead  
and she was, she just wasn't dead dead  
I mean she was dead but the extent of her deadness was nonextensive and oh man.

Now there's only one again.  
One alive one.  
One nice, alive Willow.

Stupid Anya.


	52. April 3rd, 1999

**April 3rd, 1999**

Angel punched me in the face, and he wasn't even evil!  
Good. Now I can not like him again.

Faith is evil, though. Bitch.

Apparently her new boss, the mayor, is going to ascend on graduation day.  
Everyone's freaking out about it.  
I just wish I knew what ascend meant. 


	53. April 4th, 1999

**April 4th, 1999**

Cordelia has no shame.  
Absolutely none.  
Throwing herself at Wesley like that… him allowing it…  
Has he even heard of jail bait? Or do they not have that in stuffy Britishland?  
I tried to stay quiet. Really, I did. But I shouldn't have to. It's not like she is. It's not like either of them are.  
"You have the bestest voice ever, Wesley! You should do books on tape so you can make girls around the world worship your very being just like I do, Wesley!"  
Honestly. No shame.


	54. April 29th, 1999

**April 29th, 1999**

Oh God.  
Oh God.  
The lunch lady just tried to kill me.  
And everyone.  
But me! With food!  
Food is no longer good.  
Bad food.

Then she came at me with a knife, which was less traumatic because Buffy saved me, but still.

Let's rewind.  
One day, Buffy beat up a demon and accidentally absorbed some of its blood and became telekinetic and could hear everything I was thinking which was bad. Very bad. I had to leave the room. It was very freaky until it got too much… she could hear everyone's thoughts. Big headache, falling unconscious in the middle of the cafeteria. Or possibly that was just because of the "this time tomorrow I'll kill you all" thought that she heard.

We all thought it was Jonathan. I later found out that he had a big assault rifle in the tower. Buffy came in and confiscated it from him, but it turns out he just wanted to kill himself. The lunchlady was going to kill us all with rat poison in the food.  
And to think that yesterday I'd made a joke about it.  
Bad day.  
Very bad day. 


	55. May 16th, 1999

**May 16th, 1999**

Another chapter in the Faith is Evil and the Mayor Plans to Kill Us All novel completed.  
So, Faith is evil, and the mayor's planning to kill us all.

He had this big evil box that Buffy and Angel managed to nab, but then he nabbed Willow because she was helping. Oz went a little off the deep end and crashed some box-destroying stuff, so we traded her for the box and then Snyder decided we were dealing drugs and got involved.

Big freaky spiders in the box. Apparently billions of them. One killed a police man.  
I so don't want to know what they're for.

Willow's fine. Got some pages out of the books of ascension.  
I wanted to ask her why she didn't just grab the books and leave instead of sitting there and leafing through them for half an hour. I didn't, though.  
Maybe I will later.

The mayor gave Angel a huge speech on why his relationship with Buffy will never last.  
Why does nobody ever pay attention when I point out these things? Does it really take someone evil to present the facts?  
Angel seemed frazzled. I love Buffy and want her to be happy, but Angel so doesn't deserve her. Maybe he'll take it with a grain of salt this time and leave.  
Well, I can dream.

One month until graduation. 


	56. June 5th, 1999

**June 5th, 1999**

I'm going to the prom with Anya.  
Anya. The ex-vengeance demon. She came at me and said I was less repulsive than other guys, and then I agreed to go.

I'm still confused as to why.

Cordelia has a job because her daddy lost all his money. The prom's tomorrow and I doubt she has enough money. I think I might pay off the rest of her dress. I don't really know why, she'll probably just waste it dancing with Wesley.

Besides, I'm going with Anya.  
I'll never adjust to that thought. 


	57. June 6th, 1999

**June 6th, 1999**

…  
I think I have… feelings for Anya.  
It's all very… garbled in my mind.  
These hesitations keep… appearing in my thoughts.  
It sounds like… William Shatner's inside my head.

Willow told me that Angel's leaving Buffy. It looked swell on paper, but she's absolutely crushed. He appeared near the end of the prom and danced once with her, but he's leaving town after the ascension.

Oh God. Oh God. The ascension.  
Change of subject.

The grad committee gave Buffy a new award called the Class Protector. It was swell. Giles looked like he was going to cry out of pride. I was close for a while there, too.

…No I wasn't. Just kidding. I'm too manly for tears!  
I need to learn to write in pencil.

Anya talked a whole lot about the vengeance she exacted. I guess when you've been a vengeance demon for a thousand years it's hard to talk about much else. She stopped talking when we were… dancing.

I'm very unclear on what's going on right now. I think I'll just stop trying to figure it out completely.  
Ten days until graduation. 


	58. June 15th, 1999

**June 15th, 1999**

I'm so stoked for my roadtrip. This weekend I'll pack one bag, take what's left of my roadtrip fund after paying off Cordy's dress, and hit the open road. It'll be so cool. I'll go to all fifty states. I might even drive to Africa. I hear it's nice there this time of year.

Yep. Just me and my uncle's car. I've got it all planned out. I'll swing by Cordelia's and pick her up, take her wherever she decides to go, and then it'll be just me. Me and my uncle's car. And my tunes. Can't forget my tunes. Just me and my uncle's car and my tunes, going to all fifty states and maybe Africa. It'll be swell. I'll send postcards to Buffy and Willow and Giles telling them all about my epic adventures in all fifty states and possibly Africa with just me, my uncle's car, and my tunes. That's all. And one suitcase. This weekend. Oh boy. Can't wait.

…  
I'm ninety-nine point nine percent certain I'm going to die tomorrow. 


	59. June 16th, 1999

**June 16th, 1999**

Just me, my uncle's car and the open road.  
I'm so thankful for that point one percent leeway I gave myself.  
I survived. We survived. High School, and the battle. Oz pointed out how incredible it is.  
I'm so tired. So tired. I can't relive it right now.  
That's it for high school. I'm done.  
Now it's just me, my uncle's car and the open road. 


	60. June 20th, 1999

**A/N: **_:( Please don't be mad._

_I know I said I'd update. I honestly don't know why I didn't. I have until mid-sixth season archived. I'm just such a lazy bum. I'm sorry._

_Here's two chapters! Technically they fall on the same day, but they're still two chapters._

_Forgive me?_ **  
**

* * *

**June 20th, 1999**

My bags are packed. I'm picking Cordelia up in an hour. She said she wants to go to L. A., so I guess that's where I'm going first. Spend a couple of days, find Angel wherever he may be so I can beat him to a pulp for feeding off Buffy, and then it's just me, my uncle's car, and…

Okay, I promise I'll never say that again.  
Apparently I can't drive to Africa. But I can still drive to all fifty states.

One hour until I'm out of this house and out of this town.  
And you lucky Xander Gander! You're coming with me so I can properly catalogue all the gorgeous women whom I woo on my travels.

One hour.  
Then only a couple of hours after that until I'm rid of Cordelia, possibly forever.  
I wonder where Anya went.


	61. June 20th, 1999,,, again

**June 20th, 1999…again.**

I can't believe it.  
I'm in shock.  
My uncle just swung by to take his car back.  
What is that? He can't even drive it!  
I tried to explain. He just chuckled and rumpled my hair.  
This means I have fifteen minutes to find myself a car.  
**  
**

**Fifteen minutes later…**

Success! I have found myself a car. And only for two hundred bucks! It runs and has a steering wheel and everything, so I can't imagine why it was so cheap. I mean, sure, maybe it sputters every… well, always, and I had to get a jump start twice in my driving it home, but I'm really not complaining here.  
I'm off. Farewell Sunnydale, hello… everywhere else.


	62. June 21st, 1999

**June 21st, 1999**

Well, here I am, in massive L. A. Cordelia made me drive her all over town until we finally found her apartment, which ended up being extremely shoddy. I saw a cockroach in the closet, but I didn't say anything, because then she might leech on and try to go cross-country with me, which is something I REALLY don't want.

It was almost… pleasant, actually. We listened to an L. A. radio station on the way down that was only half crap and neither of us said anything except for the occasional "I'm hungry" from me or "This car smells" from Cordy. Well, that was after she got over the initial shock of being driven to L. A. in a big pile of rust. She stared at me for a long time and then stared at the car and I'm pretty sure she was mouthing profanities, but she wasn't making any actual noise. This lasted for about five minutes. It was very amusing. Eventually she swallowed her pride and got in.

Anyway, by the time we got here and she made me unload ALL her stuff, it was dark. So she offered to have me stay over, but she made it sound selfish like absolutely everything else she ever does. "Xander, stay here tonight. It's a big city and it's scary and loud and smelly and the overweight guy standing in the hall watching you move me in might be a serial killer (I think I recognized him from TV) and if he comes in here tonight I want him to see you first so if you scream when he kills you, I'll know he's coming."

Very nice. I was convinced for a while that she wanted to _invite me in_, but the second she assigned me the ratty old armchair I knew she wasn't looking for… that.

It's also possible that she just noticed that the car died the second we pulled in. I don't know, I thought I was pretty good about hiding it, what with coughing over the sputtering engine. Oh well. It's after midnight, anyway, and I have to get up in a few hours if I even want to think about getting it fixed before Cordy wakes so I can get out of this irksome apartment and climb back into my equally irksome car to get out of this freakish city and away from the freakish Cordelia.

Possibly forever.  
I can't get over it.  
The sad part is that I can't tell if I'm really happy about it or really sad.


	63. June 22nd, 1999

**June 22nd, 1999**

Well, I got the car fixed yesterday morning, just like I said I would.  
Yep. Cost me all the money in my account save about twenty dollars, but it was fixed.  
Sure was fixed.  
Incredibly fixed.  
I was fascinated by how fixed it was.  
Until, that is, the engine FELL OUT of my car.

That's not figurative. It didn't even give me any warning. I was just trundling down the highway at a blindingly fast clip of twenty five miles per hour when I hear this kerchunk noise and suddenly I realize that the car's not sputtering anymore.  
I was elated.  
Until about ten seconds later when I start slowing down for no reason and I look in my rear view to see the engine lying in the middle of the highway.  
It's just lying there.  
I couldn't believe it until the car stopped completely and I popped the hood and saw that there really was just no engine. Big gaping hole. It simply wasn't there.

People driving by were laughing. It was very embarrassing.

I started walking at that point. Three hours later I got to Oxnard.  
And that's where I am now. I spent nineteen of my last twenty dollars on this crappy hotel room. I'm starving. I finished off the half a bag of chips that was in my car for dinner last night, but now it's nearly checkout and I have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

I guess I could call home.  
No! I am Xander. I won't succumb to such a level. I am a Harris, and Harris' don't…  
Well, actually, they probably do.  
But I refuse to. I have my pride.

Two days.  
My trip lasted two days.  
That's impressive. I mean, in a really depressing way. It's depressive.


	64. July 29th, 1999

**July 29th, 1999**

Well, it's been a while, trusty Xander Gander. Mostly because I haven't moved ten feet outside my hotel, my workplace, the gym or the local McDonalds for over a month now.  
After I wrote that last bit I found myself a job almost instantly next door to my hotel as a dishwasher. At a club. A… popular club. Lots of happy, rich females around throwing money.  
Sadly, none of it's for me.  
Well, actually, maybe not sadly since I work at a male strip club.

But not as a stripper! As aforely mentioned I am simply an innocent dishwasher.  
Anyway, I can afford the extra cable now, though, so it's not completely sucky. I watched The Grand Canyon last night. I've seen better movies.

I'm saving up money, very very slowly. I estimate that I'll have enough for a car with an engine that will actually stay in it by early September, just in time for Buffy and Willow to start at college.

Ugh.  
Maybe I'll just wait around here for a while so I don't have to help them move.

On second thought, I'd rather help them move twelve times over. Hell, I'll go help them now.  
If they'll pay for a way home.

At least I'm fairly fit. I got bored so I joined a gym. I'll be ready to kick some demon booty come home time.

…I'm looking forward to going home.  
I'm LOOKING FORWARD to going HOME.  
There's something terribly wrong with my life.


	65. August 30th, 1999

**August 30th, 1999**

My boss came up to me today and starting doing a live commentary on what I look like in a very flattering (and also creepy) manner. I just stood there. Then he stopped and asked me if I wanted to become a… different member of the staff. Apparently one of the "dancers", as he calls them, called in quite seriously sick with some kind of…

And then I put my hands over my ears because I just didn't want to know.

I immediately refused, of course. Even though he offered me enough money to get me home tomorrow.


	66. August 31st, 1999

**August 31st, 1999**

Ladies and Gentlemen, I stand before you: Xander Harris, recently dubbed the best male exotic dancer in Oxnard.

I'm ashamed. Let's not make a big deal about it.

I bought my car. It cost almost a thousand dollars, but the guy I bought it from seemed genuine about the engine not falling out. I hit it with a wrench and it stayed put, so I figure I'm okay.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning, despite the constant knockings at my door from women who apparently appreciated my work.  
Of course, most of them are extremely intoxicated.  
…And I hold higher morals than that.

It got just a little creepy. My boss said I was fantastic and stated that all the other strippers were jealous. It was at that point that I renounced my leather man thong and got out of there. After changing, of c…

Oh God.  
Oh God.  
Let no one I actually like ever hear of this day.  



	67. September 1st, 1999

**September 1st, 1999**

I walk in the door and my lovely parents direct me to the basement, where all my stuff has been moved. I also get to pay rent for it. And pay for my food. I don't have much left over from Oxnard, so I guess I have to get employed soon.  
But first to relax in the lack of privacy of my own basement for a few days. Then I'll find Buffy and demonstrate how buff I am. In a strictly clothed capacity, I mean.  
That sounded bad. I meant that I certainly wouldn't be…

I think I'll just quit while I'm ahead.


	68. September 5th, 1999

**September 5th, 1999**

I find Buffy to prove that I'm no longer Xander the measly wuss and turns out she's a mess, so I get to go on a fun "Buffy you're my hero" kick to boost her morale rather than a "Buffy I actually have muscles to flex now" to make me_ her_ hero.

Note to self: Don't ever, EVER touch anything belonging to Buffy. She gets scary. Like, really really scary.

Then she dusted this vamp bitch, got her stuff back, and Giles came running out of nowhere blabbing on about responsibility. I couldn't really tell by the look on Buffy's face if it was as random as it appeared from my point of view, but I assumed not, because she just shrugged and we all walked away.

Met Buffy's roommate. Nice girl. Hugged her. Her back seemed oddly bumpy, like she was a hunchback in several places or something, but her posture was fine so I didn't want to bring it up in case it was a sore subject.  
Apparently Cathy (that's Buffy's roommate with the back thing) has been giving Buffy some doubts about whether Celene Dion and Cher are entirely human. At last check, Buffy was ranting about how no one who wasn't a demon could sing like that and actually sell albums.  
Willow's also having roommate issues, but in a different sense, what with the constant partying and all. Buffy's too wrapped up in researching Cher to find out her "origins" to notice, and Willow's too Willow to just tell her about them. So Xander comes to the rescue once again, being the best friend of all ladykind.

Giles is happy, though. He's living the high life of an unemployed bachelor with a bit of money to throw around. I saw him jogging past my house the other day. After that I laughed a bunch.

And then there's my fun home. All by my lonesome in the freezing basement where all I have for company is an old TV and a bottle of fabric softener, who really isn't all that much for conversation.

But apparently I am today.  
With myself, at least.  
Oh, Xander Gander… what would I do without you?

I'll leave that question unanswered rather than make my life seem even more pitiful than it actually is.


	69. September 21st, 1999

**September 21st, 1999**

Me, Willow, Oz and Giles are the smartest people ever.  
We decided to kidnap Buffy because we thought she was going to kill Kathy.  
It's Kathy now. With a K. I got a nice little rant about that from Buffy. About twenty times.

But seriously. Buffy went really postal. I never thought I'd say this, but she was even more bitchy than Cordelia.  
I know! I know! It's bananas!

She was all obsessed because Kathy cut her toenails and they grew back overnight. Then she actually told Willow that she was going to kill Kathy, so I guess our attempts at restraining her weren't so horrible…

But then Kathy was a demon. That's what that freaky-ass back thing was, with the ridges and the scary. And Kathy was stealing Buffy's soul. So it wasn't even her fault, AND she wasn't wrong.

GUILT TRIP!  
It's like a road trip, only no fun!  
Oh, wait. My road trip wasn't any fun, either.  
Okay, it's like a road trip, only I don't have to strip for people.  
Unless she's really really mad at me. Then maybe…  
Ahahahahaha, that's a good one, Xander Gander! Don't write silly things like that in pen and pretend that I wrote them! Geez. Kidder.

Ahem.  
So I'm totally broke now. Tomorrow I head to the unemployment office to see what I can see. I'm hoping for a job at a pizza place. I could really use some pizza.

And Kathy's gone. Her dad came to pick her up, and now poor Willow with her partying roommate no longer has a partying roommate. Unless Buffy's morals take a radical change in the near future.


	70. September 25th, 1999

**September 25th, 1999**

I got a job at Giles'.  
Organizing books.  
He uses some wacky system that I just don't get.  
But he's paying me.  
Mostly out of pity, I think.  
Soon even Giles is going to run out of books.

Buffy's spending time with _some guy_.  
Parker.  
Apparently he's really nice, etc.  
Good god.  
But, no. It's all right. I'll be support-o-Xander.  
And in the future I will use descriptors other than those that make it sound like I'm describing myself as some sort of intrusive undergarment.


	71. October 2nd, 1999

**A/N: **Some brave soul made an excellent point about how I have this archived and really should be updating. And it's true! I do have this archived and I really should be updating. So here I am with three quick chapters (this one and one on either side) and I really do have quite a bit more archived and I really do love Xander even still, so let's try and make a thing of this. Poke me if I forget. ;)

* * *

**October 2nd, 1999**

Anya came back. To see… me.  
But then I saw… her.  
And she convinced me that having 'sexual intercourse' was the best plan of action.  
Really, who would I have been to argue?

Apparently, Buffy had similar fun adventures with Parker, who then proceeded to blow her off royally.  
I'm not saying a word.

She's glum. Though maybe that's been partially caused by Spike being back in town. He was invincible for a while and had a good time kicking me in the ribs before catching on fire and screaming into the sewers.

Apparently, Angel's in L. A.  
If only I'd known that when I had a car.

Speaking of L. A., I wonder what Cordy's up to.

*****LATER…*******  
**

Did I mention that Harmony's a vampire?  
I knew it. I just knew karma existed.

She really hasn't changed much, though.


	72. October 21st, 1999

**October 31st, 1999**

Today we learned what a fear demon was.  
Okay, please don't hold what I'm about to say against me. I'm not usually like this, but it really applies to a fear demon.

So. Cute.  
He really was. He stood there and told us to fear him and I just wanted to take him home and keep him. He'd be so much fun. He'd be like my pet fear demon, and I'd show him to all my friends and brag about how their dog doesn't compare to my demon.

But Buffy had to step on him, so he's just demon mush now. Less fun.

Turns out I already have a demon anyway. Anya ambushed me this morning and explained that it was our "copulation anniversary."  
She really is like no one I've ever met before.

So I asked her to the party and told her to wear something scary. She put on a bunny suit, saw that I was in danger, got Giles who saved us with a chainsaw, and then there was the fear demon.

But really. A bunny suit. I tell her to wear a scary costume and she wears a bunny suit. I am shaking my head.


End file.
